sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
