i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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