i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
