it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
