i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
