Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
