Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
