Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
