I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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