i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
