Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
