he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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