i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
