I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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