So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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