I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
