sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
