you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
