Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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