this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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