she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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