I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
