Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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