Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
