I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
