I am puke
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
