yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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