one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
