oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
