i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
