We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
