Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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