Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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