We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
