who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
