So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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