i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
