i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
