There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
