so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
