I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
