I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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