I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well I can't set my house on fire every night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
