Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
