I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
