I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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