Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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