Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Two words: blizzard sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
