I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
