Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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