That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need a burrito and a hug.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
