Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
