I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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