took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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