they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
