Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
